Camden Council.

Camden Council are trying to enact a law that means if you busk there you will be fined £128 and they can confiscate your instrument if you don't pay. My instrument is worth £2000 (According to a bloke in a violin shop, he said it would be worth £5000 if he fixed it up and sold it.). It was a gift to my mum because she's cracking at the fiddle. She got given it when she was 17ish, then played it for many years, then my big sister played it for a bit and now I'm proud to play it. My instrument is part of me and if anyone tried to take it I'd go beserk. I would become a beserker. Beserkness would ensue. My instrument is one of the many reasons why I enjoy busking. It's a quality instrument and it sounds good. It should be played. So Camden Council can bugger off.

So I went on demonstration outside Camden underground station tonight with the Citizens Kazoo Orchestra. We all had kazoos. I purchased mine from the music shop on Chalk Farm Road. They've got a pedal organ in there. Bought two kazoos actually, just in case. Kazoos only really make sense when there are at least 15 people playing them at once. At one point there were 30 kazoos pointed squarely at Camden High Street. We played Express Yourself, Dirty Old Town, Land of Hope and Glory, Yackety Sax, all that sort of stuff. It was great. There was a bloke right close to me who got a lovely tone out of his kazoo. He took it upon himself to lead us in a few tunes from the microphone. This should be a feature of future Kazoo Orchestra actions. There was also a bit of trombone, some fiddle (Not me.) and some guitar. Very good musicians, but it put a stop to the kazooing. There should have been more kazooing. Also, a Conservative bloke got the chance to use the PA for a speech. He should have been told to bugger off. 

Milk? Errr! It's what Ian Rush drinks... Ian Rush? Who's he? Exactly! Give us some lemonade.

So I was busking under the museums in South Kensington a few Saturdays ago and a young lad (Must have been 15ish) puts a 2 litre bottle of Waitrose milk next to my case. I put it to the side of the pitch and tried to forget about it. The next busker there remarked on it. "Do you want it?" I replied. "Nope." He replied. So there it stayed. I'm glad people don't generally offer me milk when I'm busking. It was a lovely gesture I'm sure, but odd. Also, given he was a teenage lad, there may have been a turd in there or something. Maybe I should have thrown it in the bin. Nothing made sense.

Then the other day in Bank someone jigged their leather jacket off. I braved the flow of people past, picked it up and put it on top of the big blue boxed fan next to my pitch. They came back 15 minutes later and fetched it. Sanity was restored. Things were making sense again, then this woman comes and leaves a Waitrose bag next to my case. Maybe Waitrose are running a 'Save the Busker' campaign. She told me she was leaving it, as she was leaving it 'Some biscuits and things'. "OOh, thank you maaam, the kids'll eat tonight!" was something that I managed not to shout after her.

Ended up that I ate the half eaten packet of shortbread biscuits. They were a bit soggy. Threw the brie, grapes and salad sandwich out though. Maybe I was supposed to 'pay it forward'. Some young bloke once threw £2 in my case in Hammersmith "Just don't spend it on booze yeah?" his earnest face smiled "That's exactly what I'm going to spend it on mate. You'd better take it back." Why doesn't anyone ever leave a nice single malt in the buskers case? Exactly!

Who are Accrington Stanley? 

Pizza.

I got a pizza in Highbury and Islington last night. Asked for an 8 inch one but the bloke handed over a 10 inch one when it was done because 'You're a big lad.' Then I retired to the park with 2 cans and ate my pizza. Very tasty pizza. Lovely park. Autumn weather. Sun poking through trees...etc.

Then this woman comes up to me with her son in tow. She was far away, then she was close, then she was addressing me.

'You're the last person I'm going to talk to today.'

'OK...'

'The reason why we're all drinking and smoking so much and everyone is miserable is that we're all fucked. We're all going to die one day.'

'Really?'

Then she said a few more miserable things which made me giggle and then she was away with her son, him looking really embarrassed and confused.

There was a bloke 90 degrees to me on a bench with a can. He took a swig, the silvery base glinted and I caught a glimpse of green. Heineken. 

Autumn is good for thinking. I thought about what she was trying to tell me. She'd said it with a lot of conviction and didn't like me giggling. 

Requests.

The last time I did a request it was Danny Boy for a nice old woman in Fulham High Street. I've been asked a few times for others, but I did not oblige. Where does one start, for example, with the James Bond Theme? Or the Godfather Theme? I did the Pink Panther Theme for a bit, but it was just too rinkeydink for me in the end. Then a lovely bunch of kids ran up to me under South Kensington and went 'Can you play us a song please?' sort of all at once, but not at the same time. 'I don't normally do requests, but if it's one I can play I will oblige.' 

Twi
   Twinkle Twin...
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR!

All at once, but not quite at the same time. 

I can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. First song I ever learned. They were well chuffed when I played it. Their mum didn't give me any cash though. She didn't need to, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is a crowd pleaser. 

Sometimes I play it as badly as possible. See how long I can keep it up for. It's a bit like going on strike. That's what you get if you're showing no love to the fiddler. One minute is probably the longest I've gone so far.

I've started playing a bit of Pachelbels Canon too. Had to learn it for a wedding (Technically making it a request.). It's a nice tune that everybody knows. Got lots of different passages that have been added over the years. I can never make my mind up which bit of it to play after the other, which is probably why I never play it for long. St Kilda Wedding was also a request for that wedding. Lots of vigorous bowing in that one, not good for the back when busked.

So yes, I do do requests, but not always.

Like the time I played a gig in a working mens club in bloody Ealing of all places and they requested all sorts of stuff that I have actively avoided listening too through the course of my life, then underpaid us in the end, after I'd showed the drunken arsehole who'd hired me how to work his own sound system. 

Staggering over to us mid song and going 'Ooh, I think you've lost the crowd there...' then expecting us to just know how to play every song ever written by any really shite artist you'd care to mention. 

Mind you, the average age of the audience was 80. Some of them were sitting there having a nice tap of the feet, but the In Crowd weren't happy. They came to dance to Daniel O'Donnell. The only dancing tune we had that came close was I'll Tell Me Ma. The rest were about stuff like James Connelly and lovely horses. (Did I mention that it was St Patricks night). So the drunk arsehole who hired us came over 'Lads, you should probably just call it a night, I'll pay you the full whack'. I started to pack up at that very moment. 

He sent his wife out to pay us. She didn't pay the full whack. That was a while ago, but I've got a long memory. When I get a functioning busking amp I may just go back there and give them the full Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Hair Loss.

Horse hair. I've done it again. This time I've newly embaldened my second favorite bow by smacking it against the fingerboard and getting all rhythmic. It's a stupid bloody thing to do and made me the princely sum of 50p. To be honest the bloke looked concerned as he dropped it into my case, he was probably just coming over to check I wasn't having an episode. I went back to folk and only then I noticed the hair flapping like fetlocks either flank of my fiddle. About £15 worth lost in a moment. 

That was Sunday, beneath Green Park. I tried both spots. Green Park 1 has lovely acoustics. I think spots that are in Jubilee line tunnels generally do. Green Park 2 was horrible. This is the one just before you enter or leave the Piccadilly Line. The people were lovely and seemed to like the music, but my arm started complaining after about 15 minutes because the sound wasn't forgiving. I packed it in after an hour and strolled through Green Park where some sort of running race had taken place. The last time I busked above ground in that part of London was around the Olympics. They weren't much fun to busk.

Near the beginning of the Olympics I had a busk outside Brompton Road Station over the road from the Earls Court Exhibition Centre where the volley ball was being done. I wasn't going to let armed coppers stop me. Unless they came over and asked me to stop, then I'd let them stop me. Nothing happened, but my fiddle sounded ropey because it was early in the morning and I hadn't dropped any of my own cash in my case. Twenty minutes later there was still no cash in my case. My mistake was to focus on the guns when I should have been focusing on the sunshine. I relocated to just in front of the station, between the doors. A swift £7.50 later I'm moved on by a copper. They only like busking when it's pro bono. 

I should stick to playing the theme from The Pink Panther. My top e flat is too flat though, except for when it's too sharp. 

I've Gone Underground (La la la la).

My new god may just be the busking hotline. This is the number you call to get your slots when you're a licensed busker.

The name's Brown, Montmarcey Brown, licensed to busk.

It's a whole different kettle of fish when you're busking beneath the streets in lovely echoey tunnels. I've got a good bow that I liked using, but my style is heavy on hair so it went bald and I haven't had the cash to rehair it. Back in the case now thanks to the lovely echoey tunnels beneath London. Not quite bald, getting there swiftly. Makes a lovely noise when I smack it against the fingerboard. This is a very expensive technique though, and people don't throw cash when I do it, so it's not one I should pursue often. The trouble is that I really like the noise it makes so I'll end up doing it. Bow stroke, then smack bow on fingerboard then another bow stroke (Maybe a different double stopped chord this time.) and before I know it I've got carried away and wiped out on a bum note with horse hair dangling accusingly from my bow. 

I looked up and there stood what looked like a violin teacher sadly shaking her head. She walked on. 

The people pass in some stations only when a train has emptied itself onto a platform that feeds your allocated bit of tunnel. Fantastic for improvising when no one's about. The money comes steadily. My big trick above ground has always been to try and get people dancing. Kids, generally are the easiest to get to dance. I often worry that I've struck upon some sort of pester power when their parents stop to watch their kids boogie, then feel compelled to reach into their pockets. Drunk people are good too. Often the most confrontational ones are subsequently the most generous. On the tube it seems more controlled, people walk with rhythm and purpose. My big trick now is to play something that matches the general pulse of people walking past. 

The sound though, it's addictive. What other musicians get to experiment with a varied set of acoustics on a daily basis. Sound engineers get to play about with them in their headphones, but tunnels are really interesting. On the underground they fill and empty with bodies really quickly. If I'm playing a pub with a band we always have to turn our instruments up as the pub fills, ambient noise is created by humans and the mass of their bodies dampens sound waves. The same is true on the tube, one second the noise is reverberating beautifully, the next it's lost all of it's body and tone to the feet stomping past.

Two spots I've played so far don't suffer from this problem. The first exit from Tottenham Court Road Station and the patch before you leave Hammersmith on your way to the exit with the statue. Tottenham court road is so echoey that I'm sure the individual notes get muddled up at points and entirely different tunes to the ones I'm playing emerge. 

Anyway, I've got to go, it's raining and I need to ring the busking hotline.

Portobello Market.

I started out in High Street Kensington, but was swiftly moved on by a cop. It was too sunny to argue, but we both agreed that it was very silly indeed that he was moving me on. I managed to give him a short lesson on acoustics and the value of an awning when fiddling. 

So I went to Portobello Market and ended up busking next to a dustbin for about 45 minutes. I made about £20, but I didn't like the acoustics so I wandered about for a bit and ended up next to the entrance of Ladbrook Grove Underground where I made £1.50 and started to sound a bit less hungover so I headed back into the market where I stumbled across this bloke....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSfltcSXq0c&NR=1&feature=endscreen

He was packing up, so I took his spot. I'd busked it in similar circumstances two years earlier and concluded that it was not a good spot to busk. Similar weather, similar amount of cherry tree petals having fallen...etc. I made £4 last time round. This time I made £40. Busking's a funny old game.

Then this woman....

http://www.rickkirainbow.co.uk/

gave me a fiver. She's got a live gig coming up, but she didn't give away any clues as to where or when it was taking place.